The Adventures of RAGEBLADE
by BLOODQUENCHER
Summary: And ODB Clemens of Clan Wu Tang
1. Chapter 1

Contained in this bloodstained tome is the story of RAGE BLADE, legendary fighter!

It was just another dawn in Goug when, RAGEBLADE awoke in his hovel, he yawned as he rolled off his bed of nails onto the ensanguined floor, he got up and put on his mail made from the bones of the dragon who blinded him.

RAGEBLADE enjoyed living in Goug because he loves the din of gunfire and explosives and his right-hand moogle Quincy lived just next door, and the ale house was just across the street too! RAGEBLADE felt his way to the exit and migrated from his hut, not caring if he barges through anyone infelicitous enough to hamper his mobilization.

RAGEBBLADE had his regular order of Grog, containing one or more of the following: kerosene, propylene glycol, artificial sweeteners, sulphuric acid, rum, acetone, red dye no. 2, scumm, axle grease, battery acid, and/or pepperoni.", RAGEBLADE was about to drink his literal poison when one of the parivir mercenaries slammed the captain of the "Goug Militia" into the counter, spilling RAGEBLADES rightful brew all over his lap. The parivir drew his wakizashi and held it up to the moogle's throat. "Where's ma' money, bitch?! You better have ma' money, bitch! You better give me my goddamned money or I'm killing all y'all fuckers starting y'all poor ass", the poor captain was too beset by his disquietude to even begin to speak his piece.

RAGEBLADE felt the grog burn through his breeches and chip away at his thews, RAGEBLADE bellowed out in fury "WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY IRRIGATTION!", the bartender pointed accusingly at the parivir unaware of the fact RAGEBLADE couldn't see. "Snitches get stiches, bitches, sorry 'bout your drink... NOT! Go cry to yo' momma after I'm done with her! said the parivir with a laugh, the parivirs comrades laughed, the patrons laughed a little, even the guard about to get his throat slit couldn't help but chuckle -at least until the parivir punched him-. RAGEBLADE drew his namesake weapon, it was no sword, it was too big, too bulky, it was actually a giant's femur, not a blade, not one bit.

The parivir mocked RAGEBLADE "Oh, is this the part where the big tough anti-hero stomps around all angry tries to scare me? Okay, I'm scared, look at me run around screaming!" The parivir discards the moogle like a rag doll and runs around the bar in mock horror. "Oh no! The barbarian hero is mad at me! He's going to kill me! What am I going to do?!". The entire bar erupts in laughter while RAGEBLADE only simmered more with ire towards the parivir, he purposely strode towards the parivir and grabbed him by his hair. His assault only served to increase the parivirs mockery "Are you going to rip my entrails out? I'm so afraid, I'm going to scream! EYAAAAAAAGHGHGUGHUGHGHGHGH!", RAGEBLADE gouged out the parivirs eyes and tore his head free. The severed head spoke much to RAGEBLADE'S chagrin "Oh look at me, I'm a severed head Is this the part where you call me a fool then run back to your dark little corner to brood?" RAGEBLADE threw the severed head onto the ground and stomped on it until only gore remain, yet the man still spoke, still mocked him, still pointed out his cliches! RAGEBLADE retreated to his dark corner and brooded, eventually the bangaa janitor mopped up the parivirs remains.

MEANWHILE...

Clan Wu Tang, lead by ODB Clemens enter the city of Goug, they've received a job to wipe out a group of parivir mercenaries who started pillaging the country side because they hadn't received adequate payment, ODB was eager to shed blood, he was always a fan of violent movies and video games back on Earth but he could of never imagined how much he could like the real thing! He didn't so much as enjoy bloodshed as he revered it, he doesn't even care if they're too poor to pay him, taking life is payment enough!

ODB rushed into the group of parivir mercenaries and began to slice and and dice his way through them like a steel whirlwind of death, his confidence in his Judge's abilities only inspired him to continue on with his suicidal charge.

It was over before he realized it, not a single inch of him wasn't covered in blood but it wasn't enough, he eagerly took on the mission to brutalize the militia itself, he enjoyed it so much he did it many more times until the militia no longer feared pain but actually enjoyed it, he agreed that it was Time To Act and regretted it ever since.

The moogle tinker (ODB always hated him the most) began the battle by spraying his allies with poison, then gifting his foes with godlike celerity, the guard was devastated, ODB tried this frustrating mission many more times until he finally succeeded! ODB celebrated by killing the first tinker he could find.

VICTORY!

MEANWHILE...

RAGEBLADE went home, climbed onto his bed of nails, and said goodnight to the nu mou he uses as an alarm clock. THE END ... OR IS IT?!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rageblade Earns the Ire of a Judge.

Rageblade ran as far as his feet could feet could take him, he had to escape from the awful man behind him. He ran so hard and fast he flew off of a cliff and died.

Rageblade woke up as a fire spell lightly singed him! It was all just a nightmare, he should of known it was a nightmare because in his nightmares he can see while in real life he can't. Rageblade gout out of his iron maiden/coffin and had his breakfast consisting of fried iqaunas and sulphuric acid/grog, he had a hard day ahead of him to which to murder with his clan The Bloodthirsters.

Rageblade stepped out of his shed and heard the sound of battle! He asked his moogle sidekick Drinky (He got tired of Quincy) what was going on. He told Rageblade a clan was fighting the parivirs and winning. A judge watched them fight ontop of House's house (House was tricked into doing relief work by Cuddy). Rageblade accessed his Clan Primer and ran his finger through the braille text and found out this battle has outlawed being blind!

The Judge noticed Rageblade's lack of sight and was enraged by this reckless disregard for the law! "Stop right there criminal scum! You've violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence." Rageblade paid the judge no heed, a man like him follows no laws, certainly not the ones of a man riding on a chicken. "THEN PAY WITH BLOOD!" The Judge materialized his blade and they fought! Rageblade dropped his sword and delivered deadly punches to the Judge's chocobo knocking the man from his mount, then Rageblade kicked him in the ribs until he gave into pain and passed out.

From then on out Rageblade has always had that Judge's ire.

MEANWHILE

ODB Clemens licked the blood off his blades and desecrated his enemy's bodies when his clan finally caught up to him, they wanted to tell him off for what he did but they were too afraid to speak out.

"Yo' gang! We're going to hit up those fools at Cingilar, Cingileur, Cingilingus, whatever, and kick their posuer asses! Wu Tang Clan!" ODB shouted. They thought he invited the Wu Tang Clan, made all their songs, and was really Old Dirty Bastard because they were dumb medieval peasants from a fantasy world. ODB was so glad he decided to vandalize that old book instead of doing school work.

ODB's Ninja's rolled out.


End file.
